Self care is not selfish…

by | Apr 6, 2020 | weight loss

I think we women, (do you like how I use the royal “we”?) are extremely good at looking after everyone and everything else.

At our core we are nurturers. It’s kinda like it’s in our DNA.

For some the nurturing “urge” is fiercely strong, for others not so much and that’s OK too.

Including this trait as part of our overall makeup doesn’t take away any of our power.

“I believe in the power of women. As nurturers, we have a unique ability to care and share and make the world a better place.

Women Who Inspire are women who are making a difference.”

Donna Karan

What I find it does do is… it causes us to take our eye off ourselves. We expend so much of our energy nurturing all the different areas of our lives, we have no time, let alone energy, to look after the person who matters most.

I’ve said to so many of my clients …we leave ourselves, our health and our waistline on the back burner. And when left on the back burner for too long, we simmer slowly away…

In the beginning we often don’t notice. We don’t look in the mirror, or perhaps more truthfully – we avoid it. We may feel something physical, like an ache or a pain, we reach for a quick fix or we push it out of our mind. Negative emotions may surface to the top of our thoughts but we shove them down into that big black bag so that we don’t think about them and briefly hope they go away.

But they never go away… they just disappear into the dark for a while. Sometimes for days or weeks, often months and in many cases years…

Eventually we reach the bottom of the well. Our reserves run out, we’re exhausted, overwhelmed and our health suffers. That often shows up in one or multiple ways – our unwanted weight, our lack of sleep, being devoid of energy or, our bad moods – stressed rather than calm, sad rather than happy…

And we soldier on….

Sound familiar?

We know intuitively that something has to change but at first we ignore such thoughts. We don’t have time to think about ourselves and even if we do consider some self care, more often than not we feel we are being selfish.

Self care is not selfish.

Looking after you, carving out time especially and only for you is crucial. Most importantly for your health but also, it enables you to be fully present in the relationships you have with others, so that the nurturing, if you choose may continue.

As the Dalai Lama says..

… “If you feel “burnout” setting in, if you feel demoralised and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself.”

So how does one restore one self?

I want to share some of my strategies with you so that you don’t hit rock bottom or if you feel like you’re already there, then they’ll help you realise there is a way out.

  1. Recognise and accept that self care is a not just a necessity but a priority in your life (throw out all associated guilt!)
  2. Carve out some “me time” as soon as possible. 30 minutes is a great start and find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted.
  3. Take 6 deep belly breaths. This will move you from a stressed state across to a more relaxed state (yes research proven.)
  4. Grab a notebook/journal and list the following headings – Food. Alcohol (if you drink it!). Hydration. Sleep. Stress Levels. Exercise. Then under each topic give yourself a mark out of ten. A “10” is you are amazing and doing everything you need to do to look after you and a “1” is you are neglecting this area of your life completely.
  5. Do not pass judgement on your results. That is not being kind to you!!
  6. Now take one area at a time ie FOOD. (And maybe you only get time to do one area of your life at a time and that’s OK too.) Under that topic write down ways you can improve on what you’re currently doing. So under FOOD it could look like this…
  • i.e. Eat REAL Food at every meal and snack. REAL foods such as vegetables, meat, fish, eggs, dairy,  fruits, legumes and ancient grains.
  • Avoid all overly processed and junk foods that deplete me.
  • Fill my plate with an array of colourful veggies, healthy proteins and fats. The more variety the better.
  • Eat only when I am  physically hungry not emotionally hungry. eg because I’m bored, stressed, hurt etc.
  • Sit down when I eat and eat without distraction. I will not eat on the run, in the car, at my computer, in front of the TV etc.
  • Stop eating when I am content and satisfied, not full full and stuffed. (if you’d like to discover Mindful Eating – click here.)

7. Over time do this for each topic/area of your life.

8. Then choose what area/s you’d like to make changes to first ie Food, sleep, stress.

9. Then this is important – Chunk that list down, otherwise it can all seem like too much hard work and you put it and you again on to the back burner. I can’t stress enough how important this step is.

So how do you chunk it down? Choose ONLY one thing on that list you’d like to change. ie eat only when I am physically hungry, go to bed at 10 pm every night etc.  I don’t want you to overwhelm yourself with more than one. Baby steps.

10. When you feel like you have mastered that change and made it a habit, then move on to the next and then the next one after that and so on.

The beauty about doing it one step at a time is momentum will build.

When you lean in, even gently, to taking care and looking after you first, you will see and feel the benefits sooner rather than later.

I promise you, your body and mind will thank you for it.

Be Healthy, Happy & Amazing!

Caroline x